Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize