So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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