i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
