Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Randomize
