My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
