then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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