if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
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Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
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She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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