I only kidnapped one of them. chill
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
high people should be assigned attendants
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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