So drunk its hurt
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
