I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Every concussion has its silver lining
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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