i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
