Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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