Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
