I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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