that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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