Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
