Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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