Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
people are starting to question the shark bite story
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
