I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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