We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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