Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
