Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
