Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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