you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
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There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
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Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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