my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
