does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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