Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
