Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
