i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
