Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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