I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
