after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
