I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
