Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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