Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Small penises have feelings too.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
