he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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