The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
