Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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