You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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