My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
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she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
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When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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