The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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