Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
