I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i just made my gag reflex go away.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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