I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
