Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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