You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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