you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
