Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
