loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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