Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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