I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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