Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Randomize
