That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
