Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
