ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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