Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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