You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Ladies don't puke and tell
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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