hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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