can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
