im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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