I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
