Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Even the bartender felt bad for me
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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