I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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