i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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