Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
