i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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