I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
