There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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